Panama Canal

We just got back last Monday from our cruise to through the Panama Canal. It was a treat from Mark after my hard summer. We had a lovely time. It was good for me to just be able to focus on healing. Some highlights of Cartagena Columbia 

  

 

This is the same butterfly who spent time visiting with us

Zip line in Puntarenas Costa Rica  

 

  

I love just letting my self fly with my arms wide out

pretty soon other people were giving it a try 

 

All those little leaf pieces are being carried by the ants who chewed them off and they are taking them to their nest to make yummy fungus to eat.

This is a private beach, Los Caletas, in Puerto Vallarta.

              

           

   

 

Even though it was late in the season for whales we got to see 4 humpback whales

I will make a new post to put in some of my Panama Canal crossing pictures.

But finally this. 

 

The water is wide, I can-not cross o'er.

And neither have I wings to fly.

give me a boat that can carry two,

And both shall row, my love and I.

A ship there is and she sails the seas.

She's loaded deep, as deep can be;

But not as deep as the love I'm in

And I know not if I sink or swim.

When you have someone who loves you, the rowing through life is so much easier

Thank you to my best friend ever for being my best team member ever.

Fuzzy Wuzzy

One of my childhood rhymes. Some of you may remember.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he?

Now that my hair is supposed to be growing back, I am wondering what will happen.
Right now I think I may just end up looking like Albert Einstein.
That is because some of my hair that didn't fall out is very wispy.
And good news, at least I don't think I don't think I will be left like Fuzzy Wuzzy.

I began this entry just over a month ago. Being weeks out from the chemo that kills fast growing cells my hair is growing back. So my head is actually becoming a little Fuzzy.  It is a little strange, not all the hairlets as I call them are the same length. Interestingly I have noticed that the nap on my head is for the hair on top to stick straight up. A thing I probably would not have known except for this opportunity.

Firmer in the Faith of Christ

I don't think I could say any better how I feel at this time than Helaman and Alma have recorded. There are many correlations between the healing of the physical body and the healing of the soul. Thank you for your prayers and faith on my behalf. Please continue to be with me as I go through this journey to be well. Your love is a great blessing to me.

Helaman 3

35 Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God.


Alma 26 

11 But Ammon said unto him: I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

 12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

 13 Behold, how many thousands of our brethren has he loosed from the pains of hell; and they are brought to sing redeeming love, and this because of the power of his word which is in us, therefore have we not great reason to rejoice?

Love
Caren

Round 6 Update

I went Tuesday for my 6th chemo round. As I was waiting for blood work results, we talked about how things were going and what would be the best course of action of me. My oncologist gave me the option of ending the Carboplatin and Docetaxel or just doing a reduced dose. After weighing it out in my mind, I prayed about it, My answer was to not do the harsher drugs this last time. I will continue on Herceptin for some time. They will be doing some various testing to see exactly what the rest of my treatments will be. So while there are things they will be watching, I will start growing my hair back and my chemo symptoms should be greatly reduced.

Rejoice

Round Six

Hopefully all goes well for round 6. I am feeling incredibly calm, more then any time previous. I actually slept a record amount of time for being on steroids. Over four hours, that was a lovely thing.  I believe I am developing extreme coping skills. Why do I think this? I thought I would like to share that with you.

I can realize my physical condition is not

a condition of my wholeness

I am held in the hands of God

and I am perfectly,

honestly safe.

 

In other words the faith to be healed in all the ways that I need to be healed by the Lord

 

I feel the prayers and love of those around me

 

I have discovered and received knowledge that has blessed me to

know how to deal with my challenges

 

I would like to testify to the principle of Grace in my life and the enabling power that it provides. It is easy to fall into despair by seeing ourselves or others fall short of what is required. Despair is a tool of the devil to distract us from the gift Christ is offering to us. His love, and grace will change us if we faith to accept the gift. It changes us line upon line. Faith is a principle of action but we do not earn exaltation by our works. Our works are the result of the fruits of the Spirit in our lives, our desire to be obedient, to put our faith in Gods word to the test.

 

I have found that until I am sufficiently humbled that even if I see I want to change something I will continue to struggle with it. Sometime the Lord is waiting for me to ask before he provides the opportunity. I think he knows sometimes that we are not ready to learn it right when we think we want to and sometime we think I am not ready to learn this right now but if we allow him to tutor us he will be there to teach.  Many of these things take practice. Like other skills we are generally not experts the first time we try. And some things come easier to us than others.

 

If you look at your own life I believe you will see times when significant lessons have been learned. I have found in my own life that most of my significant lessons came from going through extremely hard things.  Because of this I have learned that I can do hard things if I turn to the Lord to teach me and get me through it. For sure one thing about going through chemo there have been opportunities to practice, practice, practice some of these principles.

 

Now at least with this hard thing in my life getting near the end I pray that I remember these lessons and use them in my life where they are needed. That the grace of the Lord will continue to bless us and that we will seek it out and let it change us.

 



Romans 11:6

And if by grace, then is it no more of works: otherwise grace is no more grace. But if it be of works, then is it no more grace: otherwise work is no more work.

 Hebrews 4:16

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace,

that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

 James 4:6

But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

Doctrine and Covenants 93:12

And I, John, saw that he received not of the fulness at the first,

 but received grace for grace;

 Doctrine and Covenants 93:13

And he received not of the fulness at first,

but continued from grace to grace, until he received a fulness;

 John 1:16

And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace.

 1 Corinthians 15:10

But by the grace of God I am what I am:

and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain;

but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I,

but the grace of God which was with me.

 Moroni 10:32

Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him,

and deny yourselves of all ungodliness;

and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness,

and love God with all your might, mind and strength,

then is his grace sufficient for you,

that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ;

and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ,

ye can in nowise deny the power of God.

 

Lessons and Affirmations II

These are thoughts, statements and lessons I have had to think about and consider. It is good to be able to have others to share thought and ideas with, to learn from them and to hear truth and affirmations that help heal. If they are helpful to you also enjoy them and share them.

Sometimes taking care of yourself

and taking time to relax and heal is the best thing you can do.

 

There are times that if all we are or can do

is emanate the light of our Spirit we have a purpose.

 

Let your light shine

 

When you can not do all you would like and you need help,

be patient,

know a time will come  

when you can serve someone else.

 

Pay attention to what God would like you to learn. Ask Him.

 

When you learn some thing remember the lesson.

 

Remember to Love Yourself.

 

Some More Things To Think About



Our indubitable interdependence on the world around us.

 

We all receive support from the earth, 

The ocean and ship we may be sailing on,

the buildings that we use, 

the homes we live in and the objects in them.

 

Heavenly Father created this Earth as a foundation for us.

 

Human beings have a fundamental need to be loved

and supported by others.

 

We are interdependent on one another as

the children of our Heavenly Father.

 

He knows that we can be blessed when others serve us

and that those serving will also receive blessings. 

 

Take care of yourself

as you would take care of someone else in you condition.

 

Love others and let them love you.

 

Help the people on your team to help you.  

 

in·du·bi·ta·ble  adj. -- that cannot be doubted; patently evident or certain; unquestionable.

Mountains Diamonds Fire and Love

 

I had someone tell me that my blog was too positive. I might have agree with that to some degree because I have not dwelt so much on the negative things. It is part of my daily fight to not dwell on them even if the occur.

 

I know that it is ok to experience and talk and write about negative things if we are trying to share the lesson with ourselves or others. This is part of how the lessons of life are learned. I have been told that people who go through cancer are changed by it and they become different people after that.

 

As I have spoken with members if my of my team some images have stood out to me. I am going to leave them with out my own comment for now. If anyone wants to comment on them, or share their lessons in relationship to these symbols, I would like that. They are symbols for me right now of some of my difficulties, and what they can teach me about myself, and cancer, and adversity. Some people have said they have had problems leaving a comment, you can just send it to my email.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Affirmations

I briefly touched on affirmations in a former post. I recently wrote some of my own affirmations that I will share sometime soon,
Theses affirmations below are on a CD by a person named BelleRuth Naparstek. She has guided imagery and affirmations to help people with cancer and going through chemo therapy. It is one of my favorites, especially the affirmations.

I tell this cancer these things.
Thank you for teaching me to stop and listen.
Thank you for reminding me what is truly important

You can go now

I have things to do
Gifts to give
Purposes to accomplish
I require a healthy working body for this

More and more
I can realize
My physical condition is not
a condition of my wholeness
I am held in the hands of God
and I am perfectly,
honestly safe.

-   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -
Whatever healing you need in your life.
Ask Heavenly Father how it can be done.
Study and Listen
Trust God to make you whole
and be at one with him.
Let his peace fill your soul.

Love
Caren

Round 6 Scheduled

Heal me, O Lord,

and I shall be healed;

save me,

and I shall be saved:

for thou art my praise.

Jeremiah 17:14

 

I had my blood work checked yesterday and it is looking like I will be ready for my next chemo on Tuesday. This was joyous news to me. 

 

Smiles From My Family

Written October 30th, I have had an ok day. I just finished watching the program on http://scouts100.lds.org/
to honor 100 years of scouting. My son was singing with the Eagle Scout Choir. If you didn't get to watch it and you have boys or know any boys, try to get a chance to watch. I enjoyed it, in fact it felt like all my sons were singing to me when they sang a song about their mom earning a Eagle. It made me cry and it gave me a peaceful smile. I hope they know how pleased I am for their hard work in the scouting program. I'm thankful they have chosen to put these values into their lives.

My Five Eagle Scouts Help Me Smile

Scout Oath
On my honor, I will do my best 
To do my duty to God and my country
and to obey the Scout Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong,
mentally awake, and morally straight.

Scout Law

A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly,
courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty,
brave, clean, and reverent.

My Daughters Are My Angels They Help Me Smile
I am grateful for their love and encouraging words.
I am grateful they are good mommy's to my grandchildren
I am grateful that they love the Lord

Raising children is not usually an easy task. There are probably many things in life like going through chemo that cause you to reflect on many things. I am grateful for the opportunity to have the family that I have. To be able to have more family through marriage is a wonderful thing. You get sons and daughters in law who have started out in a family already and they join your family and it grows and grows with more people and more love. I know that they love me, (though there were some days from the past that I wondered), everyday that goes by I feel more and more their care and love. It takes me to a very peaceful place and I Smile.

Happy Halloween

 

 

My daughter carved the bootiful pumpkin for me. How do you like my dreads?

In My Sights - One More Time

With Round 5 fading slowly it looks like number 6 will not be this week coming up but the following week, I hope. My platelets are still way to low. I find it interesting how my symptoms in some ways are better and other ways worse. It looks like I will have at least some of my nails fall off, because some of them are separating from my fingers. I try to keep them wrapped up so they don't catch on anything.

I also have some swelling in my legs and feet. I think it came on slowly so I didn't recognize it at first. Today has been not to bad though, so I think my body is getting stronger or I decided to try and do less work and rest more.  I also have a lot of bruises but those are fading away. I could use prayers still for my platelets to go up.

Round Five

I was able to get my fifth infusion today, on Tuesday. It has been a good day because now I can say just one more time for the hard stuff.

It's Friday now and so far this has gone better than some other times. I am getting better at my chemo infusion skills. Staying calm and looking for balance, your prayers and the blessings of the Lord are helping me get through.

Round Five For Real

I have been a little apprehensive this last week on whether or not I would have my platelets back up ready for an other try this week. I went ahead though and started my fast Sunday night. Sunday I also asked for a blessing. When I woke up Monday morning and had to consider what to do about taking the steroids, that have me be awake Tuesday morning at 12:50 am typing away, I felt very strongly that it would be Ok and I would move forward in faith.
It has been a very good day for me. I did more research on platelets and studied about a genetic connection to warfarin and heparin sensitivity. I reviewed with my doctors nurse about my lab work, platelet levels and my infusions over the past few times. I did find out that last time I was pretty low before starting round four, so that is really why I dropped so low after. Good news is I think I will be in much better shape this time, but we will see. I have 8:00 labs in Salt Lake so until then I think this will be a go. After that I am so looking forward to saying only one more hard one and I am done with that part.
The other things that have made this a great day.
I started it with being able to put aside my doubts over the last few days to have more faith in the Lord that it will be Ok.
I listened to conference Saturday morning session. That was very nice.
I did laundry
Precooked some things for meals, I am feeling very good about this
Picked some produce, shared some of it, and put blankets over my beans and tomatoes
Got to do a little visiting with my family and some friends
Focused on breathing and staying present with life

Mark taught early morning seminary for 26 years in California. Every morning before the students left for the day he would say " I love you. There is evil in the world stay close to the Lord today."  I would add this for all of you " I love you. There is evil, and pain, and trials, challenges that we would rather not have, but more and more I learn the blessings of being truly close to the Lord so that I will hear what it is he has to say, feel his love, receive it and share it."

At first the following scriptures may seem not to fit together that well, but I hope you might take time to consider them. I went looking for a different scripture and found this, but I feel I was meant to consider this tonight. Christ's example of Love and how we can apply that to ourselves ns others.  We know that there are many examples of weakness, trial, sin, infirmity, and that many of these principles overlap. As I read this it reaffirmed that in all things we need the Grace of the Lord. You are loved, He wants you to succeed and has made it possible.  Grace is the thing that we must grasp hold of to heal from all these things. It is the power that enables us, not to make up the difference, but to actually change us and others through the process of sanctification. I know I need this every day. Love for myself and others, hope in Christ to accept his gift offered to all in love and patience to receive the gift of salvation from this mortal existence.
Love Caren

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Moroni 8:16

Wo be unto them that shall pervert the ways of the Lord after this manner, for they shall perish except they repent. Behold, I speak with boldness, having authority from God; and I fear not what man can do; for perfect love casteth out all fear.

Hebrews  4:15,16 and chapter 5:1-3,7-9

15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

 16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

1 For every high priest taken from among men is ordained for men in things pertaining to God, that he may offer both gifts and sacrifices for sins:

 2 Who can have compassion on the ignorant, and on them that are bout of the way; for that he himself also is compassed with infirmity.

 3 And by reason hereof he ought, as for the people, so also for himself, to offer for sins.

 7 Who in the days of his flesh, when he had offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him from death, and was heard in that he feared;

 8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;

 9 And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him;

Questions I asked myself reading these verses
How can I use the power of love to not be afraid?
How does knowing Christ's love for me, teach me to love and have compassion for others?
How can suffering teach me obedience?
 Can I feel more peace and love knowing that Christ knows my infirmities?
What attributes can I develop that will help me to better love myself and others so that I will not have fear?
How can I help others to not be afraid?
How do we manifest fear in our relationships with each other that keep us from developing perfect love?
How can suffering help to perfect us?
 

Something For Fun

Yummy Soap - It feels yummy - Smells yummy - I didn't try tasting it.

 

Last weekend my daughter in law and I made soap. I haven't done that for many years. I have made olive oil soap before and one time I rendered my own lard to make soap. My daughter in law she made her own lye before, I don't know if I will try that or not. I like to know how to do things though so I might. We put lemon essential oil in it and she had some orange ginger fragrance.We added poppy seeds for something fun. Here is a picture of it.

My Platelets

 I have been trying to learn more about platelets and how I can help my body to make more of them. Here are a few things I learned about platelets.

• Platelets or thrombocytes are about 20% the size of a red blood cell
• The physiological range for platelets is (150 – 400) × 10³ per mm³.
• Platelets are produced in blood cell formation (thrombopoiesis) in bone marrow, by budding off from megakaryocyte
• Megakaryocyte and platelet production is regulated by thrombopoietin, a hormone usually produced by the liver and kidneys
• Each megakaryocyte produces between 5,000 and 10,000 platelets.
• Around 10¹¹ platelets are produced each day by an average healthy adult.
• Reserve platelets are stored in the spleen, and are released when needed by sympathetically induced splenic contraction.
• The lifespan of circulating platelets is 5 to 9 days.
• Old platelets are destroyed by phagocytosis in the spleen and by Kupffer cells in the liver.
• Some people have genetic variants that can make them more susceptible to drugs like Warfarin or Heparin and so they will need less of these drugs so they do not cause problems with platelets.
         

 
     This is two megakaryocytes in bone marrow                           Platelets budding off of a megakaryocyte

For my body to make more platelets a series of things must happen but to make it really simple. Eat right, dark greens, berries, fresh vegetables, vitamin K, eggs, and fish, are good for protein. stay hydrated with room temperature water, get sleep, exercise in moderation, Be HAPPY.

The rest of this story is under the post Round Five for Real

 

A Rough Few Days

I am not sure how I ended up feeling so awful for the last few days. I think it started with no sleep from the steroids and the next night just a few hours of sleep. Things just hit me pretty hard, basically exhaustion, which made it hard to be to also remember not to lose my positive outlook. So then that cycle starts, you feel bad so you don't take care of yourself as well and then you feel worse. Well I finally got a few good nights of sleep and I am feeling much better.  I am still needing your prayers, especially for my platelet count to go up. Thank you for all your love.
Caren

Round Five

Delayed!
Not the most fun. I was looking forward to being only left with number 6. I will go back next week for 5. My platelets were too low this time. There isn't really anything I can do about it but wait for my bones to make more. To bad there isn't a way for me to know before things are all set that it wont be working out. So the positive is maybe other things will have a chance to feel really well before hitting it again.

The Best Team

Mark found this study information and I thought I would share it if you are interested. It's a study on how marriage improves your cancer survival.

http://www.cancer.net/publications-and-resources/research-round/news-patients-journal-clinical-oncology/research-round-large-study-finds-association-between-marriage-status-and-improved-cancer-outcomes

A continuing thank you to all my team for all your love, prayers, and support
Love Caren

Round Four Update

Here's the update: I think I had a little more fatigue than Round 3 but I started out with lower blood counts this time. Cancer fatigue is not the same as being tired. It can be caused by many different things that occur from just having the cancer, the chemo or radiation and the side effects, or coping with the treatment. It is a very individual problem. For me the first few days, it was just there. I actually went around in Costco on the scooter chair on Thursday. But sometimes you can be feeling ok and then this wave of fatigue hits you. For me this has usually been a problem only in the first week. I think I will be doing much better for a few weeks now.  I finally got my first good night sleep last night since this round started. I think I discovered something that I can try to pay attention to and have a better outcome. I don't think I need as much sleep as most people to feel good because being in bed 8 hours general makes me feel worse. But I also have a well  practiced ability to turn on the adrenaline and push it more than what I should. So this is one of the things I am trying to learn from my cancer and that is to listen to that proper balance. I bring this up because I think to overcome my fatigue I was adding a little adrenaline and I think this might be part of what I am feeling as an underling tension in my cells so when I do try to go to sleep, it doesn't happen and I just lie there. I just focused yesterday on being relaxed all day and it seems to have worked to help me sleep last night and reset my ability to be really calm and relaxed. The other thing will be to keep exercising because this helps with the fatigue.   

All my other side effects have seemed to be low and stay low compared to the first two times. I think this is because of my fasting and using my other wellness therapy.

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

Stay Happy My Friends

Love Caren

SMILE

 

 

Healing Lotions and Balms

One of the side effects I have had is thinning and drying skin from the chemo. Trying to avoid parabens, phthalates, formaldehyde that can increase cancer risks, in my lotions, makeup and shampoo has been a challenge but I have found a few things that have been wonderful and I thought I would pass them on. If you are aware of anything that is wonderful I would be happy to know about it. Here is my list.

Life-Flo Collagen Plus C & E Natural Cream: you can buy it a Good Earth. I have used it on my face and for my surgery scars. It is a little pricey but it has been well worth it.

Raw Shea Chamomile and Argan Oil Baby Healing Lotion: you can buy it a Target with the Frankincense and Myrrh Fragrance or online in other scents. Look for it in the baby lotion isle.

Now Solutions Shea Butter: you can buy it at Good Earth. I have used that for extra protection and I think this works better then aquapher.

Vitamin E: I was first using this on my skin after surgery. I like the collagen cream much better for scars then the vitamin E at least by the time I was using the cream was a few weeks after the vitamin E but mostly I have used it on my nails it has been wonderful for that.

I also have used essential oils Lavender in my bath and Frankincense on my skin.

NatraBio The Rub: It has arnica and it is what I have used for pain. I haven't used any other pain killers since my surgery recovery in order to be nice to my guts.

Tip for the Public WC

I don't ever remember liking to use a public restroom but they are very necessary at times. I have a recollection that probably was the start of this feeling. Some of you may remember the rotating towel that was maybe occasionally washed for drying your hands. I remember as a small child being is a gas station restroom and the towel and gone around way to many times. Yucky! Today we are blessed with all kinds of things to help with more sanitary conditions. I have had to use these facilities in the last few months more than I would like but in doing so made a discovery that you might find useful. The frustration I was having was trying to cover the seat. The toilet paper was to skimpy to cover the seat or the seat covers didn't quite cover the seat or the automatic flush would kick in before you could cover the seat and suck away your seat cover. But this discovery has worked beautifully every time. Take a seat cover and fold it in half lay in on one side of the seat. Do the same on the other side. I imagine this also being good for kids because some time when the are small they try to grab the sides to keep from falling in. This may be a little silly but it has made the public restroom experience much more pleasant.

Keep Calm

 

Keep Calm and Conquer. While I realized that being calm was going to help me with my cancer, I didn't know how very important this statement was a few months ago.  I have since read that people who have higher levels of distress from their cancer have worse outcomes. There can be plenty of things to be distressed about. Certainly I have greater appreciation for the struggle of others from illness because of my own experiences.  I think that it takes both a strong inner knowledge that you will heal and beat cancer. And an excellent support team to overcome . Below is a list from a website that listed some common feelings of distress from cancer patients.
Sad
Hopeless
Powerless
Afraid
Guilty
Anxious
Panic
Discouraged
Depressed
Uncertain
   I have experienced some of them, thankfully mostly briefly because of many of the things I have shared that I have been blessed with. Probably my two biggest struggles have been and more so early on when I was still dealing with recovery from surgery and the chemo. It was hard to ask for help when I felt I had exhausted my favorite care giver, though I know he would have done anything for me, sometimes I tried to do it myself and it was sometimes so hard I would become discouraged.  I would like to say that I have gotten better at asking for help, but I am not sure that is as true as it should be. I certainly feel I have been strengthened to be doing so well.
   I think the other thing would be I was sometimes anxious over the unknown aspect of the struggle that lied ahead, not that I didn't know things would be ok in the end, but what would happen along the way. I was often able to feel mentally calm on the surface, but sometimes I think my body had its own internal level of anxiety that made it hard to fully relax. I have learned that the drive to Salt Lake to get help with some of the other support being offered is worth the trip. I do acupuncture for neuropathy and to calm my insides. I also did some hypnosis for this also. It was much more of a challenge to calm my insides during my first two chemo infusions when my guts were very unhappy. Did you know that the gut has an extension of you nervous system attached to it. If you want to know a little more about the nerves in your gut there are some links below. Please ignore the references to us evolving this nervous system instead of it being recognized as a creation of God.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=gut-second-brain
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enteric_nervous_system
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sympathetic_nervous_system
   I also do hypnosis for visual imaging to help focus on healing, and I started art therapy a few weeks ago. For me it is a fun diversion and good for my creative soul.
   Breathing and mindfulness meditation, focusing on gratitude, healing, loving myself, feeling loved, allowing the peace of my Savior to heel me. These are things that are very helpful.
I wanted to share something that happened during my last round of chemo that was a very powerful lesson to me. I was a few days out from my infusion and in some ways bouncing around with joy because of  how comparatively good I felt from the previous two times. At the end of a day of a small communication error took place. I don't think the people around me had a good feel for the fact that the end of the day had come for me and I didn't want to add one more thing. As there was further questioning I about what might be done I had come to the end of my coping skills and went to my room to cry. It was a bad bad choice. Within 5 minuets my neuropathy exploded on me. It had been at like a 3 and went to a 7 or 8 in my hands and feet. I had pain down my one arm and leg. 
   When I regained my composure a little while later the neuropathy was still there. It actually took about 2 days to go back to how it was before this little episode. Note to self do a better job with communication about my needs and condition. But most important don't let something like this actually hurt me so much. One of my favorite affirmations goes some thing like this. I can thank this cancer for teaching me some things I needed to learn but you can go now, I am done with you. The effects of this particular distress I could have avoided and it would not have hurt me so much. Having to go through this process of healing from cancer is helping me to develop better life skills. Looking a the distress list above I can see things through out my life that I have experienced at different times. These things can, in a moment be necessary, but if they are not dealt with in a timely manner are harmful to the body. That is why this lesson was so powerful to me. If my life outcome is dependent on properly dealing with my distress, and stress I am glad to improve this skill a little better.

Moses 5

 10 And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.

 11 And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.

2 Nephi
25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

   Whether we are feeling the effects of mortality or sin we can still have joy in this life. Learning to avoid unnecessary distress and handle the stress in our lives will help us to feel Calm know this Joy       Love Caren

Round Four

Or said another way 2/3rds of the way done with the hard part. SMILE  I am feeling much calmer this time, because of blessings and what I will call Chemo Skills. (not to be confused with nunchuck skills or other such things. I know I can do hard things because I have been blessed and strengthened by the Lord and I do have a hard head. My doctor told me the last time when I was in for my third round that I was "Rocking this" So that is one more vote that things are going to be OK.
One other piece of good news is that I still didn't loose all my hair.  I am getting some fuzz starting to grow around the buzz cut hairs, still there are some very thin spots. I don't look quite as much like the naked mole rat. Well at least not sooooo much, and my skin is not so sensitive as it was. They say your hair can change after chemo. My fear right now is that I'll have 3 different kinds of hair grow back in, but some things just need to be embraced.

Well I'm back from chemo today and doing ok. My lab work counts were down a little this time but I was doing well enough to go ahead. I started fasting Sunday night 7:00pm and plan to go to Wednesday at around 4:00pm. I am hoping that I will be will be experiencing the same great results I had last time.

I will probably update in about a week so you know how my week went.

Wisdom and Great Treasures of Knowledge

Doctrine and Covenants 89 

18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

 19 And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

 20 And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

 21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.

 

I am so grateful that the Lord loves me enough to bless me with balm and healing for things that are small and things that are great. I wanted to share just some of the things that I consider my great treasures and some of my hidden treasures that are helping me get though this. Maybe you will find something here to bless your life also.

I am a daughter of Heavenly Father, who loves me and I love him.

I have a Savior, Jesus Christ. I know he lives, I know that he has made my salvation possible through his redeeming love the enabling  sanctifying power of his grace.

I have been blessed that my days are known and that I will be healed.

I have felt the peace that the Lord offers to us and I am learning how to keep that peace within me and around me.

I am blessed to have a wonderful eternal companion who loves me and blesses my life.

I am blessed to have an eternal family that cares about me.

 

I am blessed to have good friends that pray for me and help me feel their love.

I have a body that wants to heal and I know the Lord can help me find those answers that will help me to heal.

 

I have had the opportunity to know the truths of these verses over and over. I know the Lord can guide us to wisdom and the knowledge of hidden treasures in our lives. We each have a different body with different needs. Our bodies are a pretty fantastic gift. While we are subject to mortality they can bring joy and suffering. I think that the Lord is pleased when we works on educating ourselves about our bodies. We are very complicated and everything is not know to us, but it is to the Lord.

As I have tried to understand and research some of the things I have had to deal with I have these tips. Do not try to gather your final information or make those decisions from someone who is trying to sell you something. Look at many sources. Pub Med and related medical journals are a good place to look. When you do research and look for answers you have to be careful.

What you are trying to do here is to study it out in your mind and then ask the Lord if it is right. Ask him to help lead you to the answers you need. Listen to the Spirit, be patient, some of this research my take some time before you find answers. 

Take notice of your body. Try to pay attention to what it is telling you. Just saying well I don't smoke or drink, etc... so I am taking care of myself is only a start. The list of dos and don'ts in the Word of Wisdom gives us wonderful counsel it is that even if we are weak here is where we are to start with basic things but he has more to offer us through personal revelation. The basics are there not just for our health but to help us be able to be in tune with the Spirit.

Try not to hurt your body by lack of sleep, stress, depression, our own personal poisons (some things are bad for everyone, say like too much of anything, but some things are really bad for your unique self.)   

The reason I can list these things, I have personally given them a try multiple times and they have taken there toll. Maybe that is why some of my posts are so long. I am hoping to share not only how I am doing, but the lessons I am learning.

 

Hidden Treasures - My definition of hidden treasures are things that I was specifically directed to do or things that I researched that are helping to bless my life through the guidance of the Spirit.

 

Finding and being directed to such a good group of caring doctors, nurses, and other team members.

 

The Fasting and Chemo, my own personal human trial so far is a huge blessing.

 

Watching Great Courses lectures one Stress and another one on Mindfulness Meditation.

 

Learning in this last year to become a better communicator. (Its is a life long work still in progress)

 

Special Lotions because I have sensitive skin and the chemo had thinned it some, after searching I have found some very nice things I will share in a later post.

 

You may know Mark and I have a limited diet. We have found a protein drink I would highly recommend that you give a try. It is made by a company Garden Life and the product is called Raw Meal. We recommend the chocolate flavor, We haven't tried the Vanilla I will add to this when we do, but don't make it like the instructions tell you to. We share 1 serving in the morning and make it in the blender by using 2 cups of flax milk for one serving. (You can use dairy, but I would use almond  milk if Mark was not allergic to it.) You need a ripe sweet banana. And then some ice. This is where it gets tricky for us because I like a little ice in the blender and Marks likes it slushy. I usually make it my way and if I can I pour mine out and then add more ice to his. We are all happy.

So this is the fine print discloser: You kind of have to let it grow on you a little and the reason why you might want to, it has for us made a very happy digestive tracks, and so for us with allergies and chemo issues it has been another huge blessing.
The incidence of allergies is rising in the adult  population and there are connections between seasonal and some food allergies. Maybe a topic for another post. We have done a lot research on allergies and I will try to share some of what we have learned.

 

I have felt that I should not be consuming very much sugar. So while there is a little in a few things that I eat. I have pretty much stayed away from it.

 

I know there are more things that I have been blessed with but I should get some sleep. It's Tuesday this morning and it is my infusion day so the steroids are giving me one of their side effects which is my eyes are wide open. I have also not felt good about any attempts with sleeping aids other then Melatonin. So I hope that it will start to kick in soon.

 

I pray that we can all enjoy the blessings offered in D&C 89

Love

Caren

Fortress of Healing

I have been trying to compose this for a few days now. I write a sentence or two and then erase it and start over. Its hard to make visible progress that way. But maybe it is  helping me to figure out exactly where this is fitting into my healing process.

I am currently focused on healing from cancer. There are many things that we need to be healed from in this life. I am so glad to have the atonement which heals all things. But there are many things that we can take advantage of to help the healing process. Some of the things I am using in my healing besides working on strengthening my faith in my Savior are acupuncture, hypnosis, visual imaging, breathing and affirmations. Tuesday when I went for my hypnosis appointment I shared the beginnings of my being diagnosed and coming to the Huntsman Center for my treatments. Previously mentioned in this blog was that I have had some significant problems from my past with the medical field. I shared that I was glad to have a place where I felt safe to come. I shared that beside the bad things that had happened I did have the opportunity to learn some good. We talked about how sometimes that is the way we learn by overcoming trials and learning to accept and grow from the fact that we live in an imperfect world, with a whole bunch of imperfect people who have their agency and are also subject to mortality. We talked about how the bad things could find a place to not be so painful, even if there are lasting effects. How the blessing of lessons learned could be a balm to healing.

On my way to this appointment I met the art guy in the elevator he asked me if I knew about the art program. I didn't, he invited me to come check it out. Below is my first attempt at water color in many years. It is my interpretation of the good covering and healing the bad.

Round Three

Round three was supposed to happen last week. I felt like I was already for round three, but after the labs came back my platelets were too low to move forward without waiting a little more time. My doctor said by this week I would be ready to go ahead. I started my fast from food Sunday night. I was able to learn a little bit more about the fasting. My plan at this time is to wait till Wednesday afternoon to eat. See the post Round Two for more information if you missed it. I do drink water.

I am feeling a little too good, the steroids have me awake and it is 1:50am. After my hike to the cave last week I decided to have a big goal each time I am in my really good week. Today I worked pulling and cutting weeds for 4 hours in my garden. The Bindweed had vined and was seeding. Bindweed is in the top 10 list for noxious weeds and the Dandelions were exploding umbrellas with seed presents for me for next year all over the place. It looks much better now.

If you are nearby and like Swiss Chard let me know I'll try to bring you some.

Its 2:25am now. I'll make another attempt at sleep and will attach any further developments later today in this post

I'm at the end one day out on my third chemo. I am amazed at how well I have done this time. WOW! I think my fasting from food, from Sunday evening until 2:00 today, Wednesday, has paid great dividends in how well things are going. All side effects have been greatly reduced compared to my other infusions.  I also did acupuncture today. I was speaking with the acupuncturist today I told her about my fasting, hypnotist appointment yesterday, and my great support team and prayers. I told her how much all of this was helping me. She told me about a patient that, as he started to get better his wife had called and told many of their friends and family that he was doing better. The prayers stopped and he began to do poorly again. He said he could physically feel that the prayers weren't there. His wife recalled everyone and the praying resumed, he could feel those prayers and began to improve. I just want to let you know that I feel your sustaining prayers in my behalf. Thank you for helping me do so well and keeping me in your prayers.

Caren