Round Four Update

Here's the update: I think I had a little more fatigue than Round 3 but I started out with lower blood counts this time. Cancer fatigue is not the same as being tired. It can be caused by many different things that occur from just having the cancer, the chemo or radiation and the side effects, or coping with the treatment. It is a very individual problem. For me the first few days, it was just there. I actually went around in Costco on the scooter chair on Thursday. But sometimes you can be feeling ok and then this wave of fatigue hits you. For me this has usually been a problem only in the first week. I think I will be doing much better for a few weeks now.  I finally got my first good night sleep last night since this round started. I think I discovered something that I can try to pay attention to and have a better outcome. I don't think I need as much sleep as most people to feel good because being in bed 8 hours general makes me feel worse. But I also have a well  practiced ability to turn on the adrenaline and push it more than what I should. So this is one of the things I am trying to learn from my cancer and that is to listen to that proper balance. I bring this up because I think to overcome my fatigue I was adding a little adrenaline and I think this might be part of what I am feeling as an underling tension in my cells so when I do try to go to sleep, it doesn't happen and I just lie there. I just focused yesterday on being relaxed all day and it seems to have worked to help me sleep last night and reset my ability to be really calm and relaxed. The other thing will be to keep exercising because this helps with the fatigue.   

All my other side effects have seemed to be low and stay low compared to the first two times. I think this is because of my fasting and using my other wellness therapy.

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

Stay Happy My Friends

Love Caren

SMILE

 

 

Healing Lotions and Balms

One of the side effects I have had is thinning and drying skin from the chemo. Trying to avoid parabens, phthalates, formaldehyde that can increase cancer risks, in my lotions, makeup and shampoo has been a challenge but I have found a few things that have been wonderful and I thought I would pass them on. If you are aware of anything that is wonderful I would be happy to know about it. Here is my list.

Life-Flo Collagen Plus C & E Natural Cream: you can buy it a Good Earth. I have used it on my face and for my surgery scars. It is a little pricey but it has been well worth it.

Raw Shea Chamomile and Argan Oil Baby Healing Lotion: you can buy it a Target with the Frankincense and Myrrh Fragrance or online in other scents. Look for it in the baby lotion isle.

Now Solutions Shea Butter: you can buy it at Good Earth. I have used that for extra protection and I think this works better then aquapher.

Vitamin E: I was first using this on my skin after surgery. I like the collagen cream much better for scars then the vitamin E at least by the time I was using the cream was a few weeks after the vitamin E but mostly I have used it on my nails it has been wonderful for that.

I also have used essential oils Lavender in my bath and Frankincense on my skin.

NatraBio The Rub: It has arnica and it is what I have used for pain. I haven't used any other pain killers since my surgery recovery in order to be nice to my guts.

Tip for the Public WC

I don't ever remember liking to use a public restroom but they are very necessary at times. I have a recollection that probably was the start of this feeling. Some of you may remember the rotating towel that was maybe occasionally washed for drying your hands. I remember as a small child being is a gas station restroom and the towel and gone around way to many times. Yucky! Today we are blessed with all kinds of things to help with more sanitary conditions. I have had to use these facilities in the last few months more than I would like but in doing so made a discovery that you might find useful. The frustration I was having was trying to cover the seat. The toilet paper was to skimpy to cover the seat or the seat covers didn't quite cover the seat or the automatic flush would kick in before you could cover the seat and suck away your seat cover. But this discovery has worked beautifully every time. Take a seat cover and fold it in half lay in on one side of the seat. Do the same on the other side. I imagine this also being good for kids because some time when the are small they try to grab the sides to keep from falling in. This may be a little silly but it has made the public restroom experience much more pleasant.

Keep Calm

 

Keep Calm and Conquer. While I realized that being calm was going to help me with my cancer, I didn't know how very important this statement was a few months ago.  I have since read that people who have higher levels of distress from their cancer have worse outcomes. There can be plenty of things to be distressed about. Certainly I have greater appreciation for the struggle of others from illness because of my own experiences.  I think that it takes both a strong inner knowledge that you will heal and beat cancer. And an excellent support team to overcome . Below is a list from a website that listed some common feelings of distress from cancer patients.
Sad
Hopeless
Powerless
Afraid
Guilty
Anxious
Panic
Discouraged
Depressed
Uncertain
   I have experienced some of them, thankfully mostly briefly because of many of the things I have shared that I have been blessed with. Probably my two biggest struggles have been and more so early on when I was still dealing with recovery from surgery and the chemo. It was hard to ask for help when I felt I had exhausted my favorite care giver, though I know he would have done anything for me, sometimes I tried to do it myself and it was sometimes so hard I would become discouraged.  I would like to say that I have gotten better at asking for help, but I am not sure that is as true as it should be. I certainly feel I have been strengthened to be doing so well.
   I think the other thing would be I was sometimes anxious over the unknown aspect of the struggle that lied ahead, not that I didn't know things would be ok in the end, but what would happen along the way. I was often able to feel mentally calm on the surface, but sometimes I think my body had its own internal level of anxiety that made it hard to fully relax. I have learned that the drive to Salt Lake to get help with some of the other support being offered is worth the trip. I do acupuncture for neuropathy and to calm my insides. I also did some hypnosis for this also. It was much more of a challenge to calm my insides during my first two chemo infusions when my guts were very unhappy. Did you know that the gut has an extension of you nervous system attached to it. If you want to know a little more about the nerves in your gut there are some links below. Please ignore the references to us evolving this nervous system instead of it being recognized as a creation of God.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=gut-second-brain
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enteric_nervous_system
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sympathetic_nervous_system
   I also do hypnosis for visual imaging to help focus on healing, and I started art therapy a few weeks ago. For me it is a fun diversion and good for my creative soul.
   Breathing and mindfulness meditation, focusing on gratitude, healing, loving myself, feeling loved, allowing the peace of my Savior to heel me. These are things that are very helpful.
I wanted to share something that happened during my last round of chemo that was a very powerful lesson to me. I was a few days out from my infusion and in some ways bouncing around with joy because of  how comparatively good I felt from the previous two times. At the end of a day of a small communication error took place. I don't think the people around me had a good feel for the fact that the end of the day had come for me and I didn't want to add one more thing. As there was further questioning I about what might be done I had come to the end of my coping skills and went to my room to cry. It was a bad bad choice. Within 5 minuets my neuropathy exploded on me. It had been at like a 3 and went to a 7 or 8 in my hands and feet. I had pain down my one arm and leg. 
   When I regained my composure a little while later the neuropathy was still there. It actually took about 2 days to go back to how it was before this little episode. Note to self do a better job with communication about my needs and condition. But most important don't let something like this actually hurt me so much. One of my favorite affirmations goes some thing like this. I can thank this cancer for teaching me some things I needed to learn but you can go now, I am done with you. The effects of this particular distress I could have avoided and it would not have hurt me so much. Having to go through this process of healing from cancer is helping me to develop better life skills. Looking a the distress list above I can see things through out my life that I have experienced at different times. These things can, in a moment be necessary, but if they are not dealt with in a timely manner are harmful to the body. That is why this lesson was so powerful to me. If my life outcome is dependent on properly dealing with my distress, and stress I am glad to improve this skill a little better.

Moses 5

 10 And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.

 11 And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.

2 Nephi
25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

   Whether we are feeling the effects of mortality or sin we can still have joy in this life. Learning to avoid unnecessary distress and handle the stress in our lives will help us to feel Calm know this Joy       Love Caren

Round Four

Or said another way 2/3rds of the way done with the hard part. SMILE  I am feeling much calmer this time, because of blessings and what I will call Chemo Skills. (not to be confused with nunchuck skills or other such things. I know I can do hard things because I have been blessed and strengthened by the Lord and I do have a hard head. My doctor told me the last time when I was in for my third round that I was "Rocking this" So that is one more vote that things are going to be OK.
One other piece of good news is that I still didn't loose all my hair.  I am getting some fuzz starting to grow around the buzz cut hairs, still there are some very thin spots. I don't look quite as much like the naked mole rat. Well at least not sooooo much, and my skin is not so sensitive as it was. They say your hair can change after chemo. My fear right now is that I'll have 3 different kinds of hair grow back in, but some things just need to be embraced.

Well I'm back from chemo today and doing ok. My lab work counts were down a little this time but I was doing well enough to go ahead. I started fasting Sunday night 7:00pm and plan to go to Wednesday at around 4:00pm. I am hoping that I will be will be experiencing the same great results I had last time.

I will probably update in about a week so you know how my week went.

Wisdom and Great Treasures of Knowledge

Doctrine and Covenants 89 

18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

 19 And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

 20 And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

 21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.

 

I am so grateful that the Lord loves me enough to bless me with balm and healing for things that are small and things that are great. I wanted to share just some of the things that I consider my great treasures and some of my hidden treasures that are helping me get though this. Maybe you will find something here to bless your life also.

I am a daughter of Heavenly Father, who loves me and I love him.

I have a Savior, Jesus Christ. I know he lives, I know that he has made my salvation possible through his redeeming love the enabling  sanctifying power of his grace.

I have been blessed that my days are known and that I will be healed.

I have felt the peace that the Lord offers to us and I am learning how to keep that peace within me and around me.

I am blessed to have a wonderful eternal companion who loves me and blesses my life.

I am blessed to have an eternal family that cares about me.

 

I am blessed to have good friends that pray for me and help me feel their love.

I have a body that wants to heal and I know the Lord can help me find those answers that will help me to heal.

 

I have had the opportunity to know the truths of these verses over and over. I know the Lord can guide us to wisdom and the knowledge of hidden treasures in our lives. We each have a different body with different needs. Our bodies are a pretty fantastic gift. While we are subject to mortality they can bring joy and suffering. I think that the Lord is pleased when we works on educating ourselves about our bodies. We are very complicated and everything is not know to us, but it is to the Lord.

As I have tried to understand and research some of the things I have had to deal with I have these tips. Do not try to gather your final information or make those decisions from someone who is trying to sell you something. Look at many sources. Pub Med and related medical journals are a good place to look. When you do research and look for answers you have to be careful.

What you are trying to do here is to study it out in your mind and then ask the Lord if it is right. Ask him to help lead you to the answers you need. Listen to the Spirit, be patient, some of this research my take some time before you find answers. 

Take notice of your body. Try to pay attention to what it is telling you. Just saying well I don't smoke or drink, etc... so I am taking care of myself is only a start. The list of dos and don'ts in the Word of Wisdom gives us wonderful counsel it is that even if we are weak here is where we are to start with basic things but he has more to offer us through personal revelation. The basics are there not just for our health but to help us be able to be in tune with the Spirit.

Try not to hurt your body by lack of sleep, stress, depression, our own personal poisons (some things are bad for everyone, say like too much of anything, but some things are really bad for your unique self.)   

The reason I can list these things, I have personally given them a try multiple times and they have taken there toll. Maybe that is why some of my posts are so long. I am hoping to share not only how I am doing, but the lessons I am learning.

 

Hidden Treasures - My definition of hidden treasures are things that I was specifically directed to do or things that I researched that are helping to bless my life through the guidance of the Spirit.

 

Finding and being directed to such a good group of caring doctors, nurses, and other team members.

 

The Fasting and Chemo, my own personal human trial so far is a huge blessing.

 

Watching Great Courses lectures one Stress and another one on Mindfulness Meditation.

 

Learning in this last year to become a better communicator. (Its is a life long work still in progress)

 

Special Lotions because I have sensitive skin and the chemo had thinned it some, after searching I have found some very nice things I will share in a later post.

 

You may know Mark and I have a limited diet. We have found a protein drink I would highly recommend that you give a try. It is made by a company Garden Life and the product is called Raw Meal. We recommend the chocolate flavor, We haven't tried the Vanilla I will add to this when we do, but don't make it like the instructions tell you to. We share 1 serving in the morning and make it in the blender by using 2 cups of flax milk for one serving. (You can use dairy, but I would use almond  milk if Mark was not allergic to it.) You need a ripe sweet banana. And then some ice. This is where it gets tricky for us because I like a little ice in the blender and Marks likes it slushy. I usually make it my way and if I can I pour mine out and then add more ice to his. We are all happy.

So this is the fine print discloser: You kind of have to let it grow on you a little and the reason why you might want to, it has for us made a very happy digestive tracks, and so for us with allergies and chemo issues it has been another huge blessing.
The incidence of allergies is rising in the adult  population and there are connections between seasonal and some food allergies. Maybe a topic for another post. We have done a lot research on allergies and I will try to share some of what we have learned.

 

I have felt that I should not be consuming very much sugar. So while there is a little in a few things that I eat. I have pretty much stayed away from it.

 

I know there are more things that I have been blessed with but I should get some sleep. It's Tuesday this morning and it is my infusion day so the steroids are giving me one of their side effects which is my eyes are wide open. I have also not felt good about any attempts with sleeping aids other then Melatonin. So I hope that it will start to kick in soon.

 

I pray that we can all enjoy the blessings offered in D&C 89

Love

Caren

Fortress of Healing

I have been trying to compose this for a few days now. I write a sentence or two and then erase it and start over. Its hard to make visible progress that way. But maybe it is  helping me to figure out exactly where this is fitting into my healing process.

I am currently focused on healing from cancer. There are many things that we need to be healed from in this life. I am so glad to have the atonement which heals all things. But there are many things that we can take advantage of to help the healing process. Some of the things I am using in my healing besides working on strengthening my faith in my Savior are acupuncture, hypnosis, visual imaging, breathing and affirmations. Tuesday when I went for my hypnosis appointment I shared the beginnings of my being diagnosed and coming to the Huntsman Center for my treatments. Previously mentioned in this blog was that I have had some significant problems from my past with the medical field. I shared that I was glad to have a place where I felt safe to come. I shared that beside the bad things that had happened I did have the opportunity to learn some good. We talked about how sometimes that is the way we learn by overcoming trials and learning to accept and grow from the fact that we live in an imperfect world, with a whole bunch of imperfect people who have their agency and are also subject to mortality. We talked about how the bad things could find a place to not be so painful, even if there are lasting effects. How the blessing of lessons learned could be a balm to healing.

On my way to this appointment I met the art guy in the elevator he asked me if I knew about the art program. I didn't, he invited me to come check it out. Below is my first attempt at water color in many years. It is my interpretation of the good covering and healing the bad.